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Post by Zephel on Oct 4, 2008 3:06:21 GMT -8
As they both stroll pass the flowerbeds, the tunnel of trees is a breathtaking sight, especially with the sun shining through the leaves, making them greener than ever.
Both of them didn't say a word, just adoring the magnificent view is enough. Syani stared up at the leaves, trying to enjoy it with the comfortable silence between them. She remembered the monk who took her in as an adopted daughter after he saved her years ago. His countless advices held in reserve in her heart, no matter how heartless he can be at times...
"Sometimes, sympathetic words can make things worst. So, shut up."
"When the silence between two people felt comfortable, their souls are said to held peace within each other, thus they are true friends. So again, shut up."
In fact, that monk made her listen more by teaching her not to talk too much. Now, she's blooming into a person that appreciates silence, trying to learn what it means every step of the way. And Roy just happens to be teaching her in that section, by just staying silent...
The tunnel of trees ended after a while and what is exposed in front of them now was an everlasting herbaceous border of beatiful red and pink roses. Syani held her breath in shock, witnessing this, 'The universe just LOVES making me feel bad, doesn't it?'
Now, the silence between them turns uncomfortable. Syani gulped as she slowly turns to look at Roy, trying to find the right words to say to him. Turning back at the bed of roses as her mind can't even work with the guilt that weights her shoulders, the half-vampire slowly reaches for Roy's hand, and holds him tight...
"The roses are beautiful, isn't it?" her voice sounded shaky no matter how hard she tries to control it. Under her breath, she continued, "But they have thorns...and they will hurt anybody that touches it...even accidentally."
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Post by Roy on Oct 4, 2008 6:13:27 GMT -8
Roy stood there watching the red colour of the roses. He felt that Syani was watching him, but he couldn`t move... even if he wanted to. He was afraid that his legs wouldn`t be able to take his weigth anymore. Then suddenly he felt that Syani was taking his hand and hold it tight. It took a few seconds until Roy was able to move his fingers to tighten his grip. A warm feeling went from his hand into his body and from there into his other arm, his legs and feet. It made him feeling save.
After hearing Syani`s shivering voice he was also able turn his head, to look her in the eyes. "So if a rose... symbolizes love... does that mean that it is not possible to receive this beautiful present without suffering?" while he said that his voice was unnaturally calm.
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Post by Zephel on Oct 4, 2008 11:50:54 GMT -8
Hearing his calm voice, Syani stared at him in the eyes, fighting herself not to turn away by his statement. She took a moment to repeat it in her mind, then she quietly lets go of Roy's hand and walks to the bed of roses...
Squatting down, she plucked one rose out of the ground, then walks away back to Roy. With a small smile, Syani handed Roy that rose, revealing her slightly bleeding hand, "I guess the answer of your question...is no."
Suddenly, her smile grows wider, "I just realized. Remember what I said about the time-traveling rule? Equivalent exchange?? In order to get something huge, you need to repay for it in a large amount... ...It's the same thing with love..."[/color]
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Post by Roy on Oct 4, 2008 12:03:02 GMT -8
Roy felt instantly lost after Syani let go of his hand but he didn`t say anything. After she returned with the rose in her hand back to Roy, he reached for a tissue in his leather pouch to wrap the rose inside it and places it back into Syani's hand so that she doesn`t hurt herself even more. "Equivalent exchange...." he murmured. "Maybe you are right.... so the only question is, if we are willing to pay the price...in order to receive love.."
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Post by Zephel on Oct 4, 2008 13:10:01 GMT -8
Syani smiled as Roy wrapped the rose with a tissue before returning it back to her, "Exactly."
Her bleeding hand stained the white tissue red a bit as she held the rose close, "...But the price... If it doesn't work out, the wound we will receive will never heal..." Looking at Roy in the eyes again, Syani held a sort of fear and sadness within hers, "So why do you choose to take the chance?"
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Post by Roy on Oct 4, 2008 13:40:01 GMT -8
Roy was silent. He closed his eyes, thinking about what he should say. Then he opened his eyes again to look at Syani "Well.... I don`t know what the price would be I had to pay for receiving your love.... " he paused "but... I don`t need to know the price at all to know whats the right thing to do: You are happy with the way you have chosen, thats your decision, and I have to respect it.... There is no way I could ever hold you heart, no matter about the price...." Roy didn`t even blink once when he said his words to Syani and his voice was calm. Somehow he wanted to cry.... but he couldn`t...
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Post by Zephel on Oct 9, 2008 5:55:49 GMT -8
Syani stared at him wide. She thought asking him would get the answer, but receiving his answer raised more and more questions in her head. Her eyebrows met in confusion as she tries to understand what he's trying to tell her.
Since she doesn't experience a normal childhood back when she was a child, she lacks love. She lacks being loved. She lacks everything that centers around love. Still with the tissue-wrapped rose in her grip, the half-vampire suddenly grabbed Roy's shirt and let it all out...
"WHY are you torturing yourself like this?! What is so special about receiving love? Wh-why do you even WANT love?! And why ME? Of all the girls in here, why do you want ME?! If I return your feelings, I may end up HURTING YOU......"
Her voice seems broken at the last part as she buries her face on Roy's shirt, sobbing silently, "I've hurt you so much now and I don't want to hurt you more and more..."[/color]
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Post by Roy on Oct 11, 2008 15:44:18 GMT -8
Roy was hurt, indeed. But even more hurting was the fact that he saw Syani suffering like this right in front of him. He listened to her words and didn`t know what to say. He thought words would make everything even worse. So Roy just placed his arms slowly around Syani while she burried her face into his shirt crying. He hugged her tight hoping that she would feel at least a bit better. He just couldn`t take it seeing her like this.
Then after a while he opened his mouth to answer her questions with a dry voice "Since I was a child I had to live alone...... I was looked down on....bullied....not recognized....made fun of......" he started slowly "I`ve accepted it...... I went through life alone...... and then I came to this place...." his voice seemed to start shaking more with every word he said "and then.... I met you". He paused for a while and tried to calm himself which wasn`t working and to find the right words to continue. "You treated me like a friend from the very beginning...and..and you gave me the feeling to be finally accepted" The words came rather quick out of his mouth now because he tried to hold the tears back. "You helped me.... and I helped you... I feel so happy to finally have met somebody who is so kind to me.. and then, then just this warm feeling rose inside of me, everytime when I was with you... it..it's warming my heart from the bottom and gives me the feeling of concealment." His arms tightens around Syani as his body was shaking and the tears started to run down all over his face now. "How should I know that this brings us into a situation like this? How should I have known that love can hurt anybody that easily? I`m so sorry, Syani...... I`m so sorry...... I`m sorry....." speaking the last words Roy's voice began to fade until only his sobbing could be heard as he still was holding Syani tight never ever wanting to let go of her again.
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Post by Zephel on Feb 13, 2009 18:43:55 GMT -8
It took her so much strength to hold herself from breaking apart in tears like this, but it seemed like Syani had been holding it for too long as the way she's crying seemed to be ceaseless... But when Roy embraced her in his arms tightly, her jerking shoulders seemed to subsided into shudders and finally into slight quivers.
Trying to keep her breath in control, Syani can't seem to let his shirt go, so is the rose in her grip. She listened intently to his back-story, maintaining her sobs muffled with Roy's now tear-stained shirt, feeling both shocked at his background and surprised on how similar they were treated back then. She tried to say something about it, but she can't even find her voice...
'...Finally...accepted...'
When she felt Roy squeezing her and hearing his saddening voice, all she could think of is to punish herself for bringing this misery, even considering ending her breath forever...but that won't end her guilt, in fact that won't help at all.
Syani clutched the rose along with Roy's shirt as Roy mentioned that love can hurt anybody. Her head slightly shaking sideways as Roy apologized tearfully, trying to show that Roy isn't guilty, but her weak emotional state makes it so hard for her to follow her own commands. Until finally, she detected her voice...
"..No.....no, no... No, you're not guilty... I...I'm so sorry," she tried to yell, but with her irregular breathing, it's hard to even speak properly without sobbing, "I wasn't... I didn't mean.... It's really terrible of me to....to say those things back there....I... Please.... I'm truly sorry...!"
She remained in his arms a while longer as she didn't have a heart to see him cry, his sobs is enough for her to understand how much she's hurting him, "Roy... Truthfully...I don't think I deserve you..."
With much strength supporting her emotions, the raven-haired loosened Roy's embrace a bit by stepping back and tries her hardest to look up at him, but can't seem to gaze directly into his eyes. "Listen carefully to me. There's a special girl that's waiting for you somewhere. Trust me, I am NOT that one princess, because the only girl that deserves you...is the one that will never hurt you, Roy."
Lifting up a smile with her tears still streaming down, Syani finally gathered enough strength to look in his eyes, unwraps the tissue from around the rose and uses it to wipe Roy's tears with her right hand, still supporting a smile, completely ignoring the thorns that pricked her left palm, "YOU, dude, are a very special person. PLEASE remember that. ...I know it takes some time healing the wounds I made...but when you need my help, in anything, I'll be there. I will be there."
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Post by Roy on Feb 26, 2009 14:56:02 GMT -8
Roy stood there. Still holding the person who couldn`t understand his feelings. Not moving at all and hoping that this moment would last forever he heard Syani's voice at last.
'..guilty..'
While Syani was apologizing for everything she caused this word stroke his mind and seemed to awaken him from the selfish illusion he had been living in until now.
'Am I guilty...? Is she guilty...? Would it be even appropriate to call it guilt in a situation like this? Yes, the way she thinks hurts me.... like she said. But what about myself and the way she feels? Didn`t I bring her into this situation that shes torn apart by the feeling of being guilty to have hurt me that much? Isn`t it my fault from the very beginning...? Shouldn`t I have pushed her like that....? What would have happened if I hadn`t this selfish attitude within me ? It`s true... I care about her.... but on the opposit.... I was never asking myself how she feels about it... Did I ... ? ... Wasn`t it just... ?'
Drowning in that pool of thoughts, wishes and perceptions Roy was taken away. He stopped sobbing and stopped feeling the warmth of the person in his embrace. But then within one second he was brought back to reality.
Roy... Truthfully...I don't think I deserve you...
These words let his breathe stop for a moment. Syani was moving out of his embrace and tried to look him directly into his eyes. Roys glance went over her wet face and focused on her eyes. But yet he couldn`t seem to really look into them. He was looking right through her as he tried to follow the words she said to him.
Then she was drying his tears and smiled at him. Still lost in the world between dreaming and reality he finally completly gained his consciousness again. Looking into Syani`s eyes this time and noticing the warmth of her smile he finally tried to say something. Roy opened his mouth and closed it again without letting a syllable escaping. The truth was... he didn`t know what to say.
He loved her. But at the same time he just wanted her to recover from all the trouble he had caused and mentioning his feelings again would just cause the opposit. He wanted to tell her that shes right. But at the same time he wanted to negate what she just said. It was confusing.
After looking into her eyes which were filled with kindness and her face which was shining in the sun because of the tears that hadn`t dried yet he finally said with a calm and secure voice "Thank you....Syani"
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Post by Zephel on Feb 27, 2009 13:10:42 GMT -8
Roy was being silent when she's wiping his face, so Syani figured he's most likely be thinking. She so desperately wanted to invade his thoughts by using her telepathy, but that would disrupt his privacy, and might ruin the smile she's supporting. Most of all, she's being a horrible friend if she does so. Thus, to get the idea off her mind, she just focused on wiping his tears gently, but paused when she noticed he opened his mouth.
Syani blinked, waiting for him to speak, but no words came out of his throat. The half-vampire smiled anyway as she wiped the last bit of tear stain on his cheek when Roy suddenly said something. Her hand stopped mid-way in surprise. It wasn't his sudden outburst that shocked her...it's his choice of words. A thank? Out of all the things he could say...he chose to thank her...?
"Wait, what?" Syani blinked at this man in front of her in confusion, "Sorry, clueless blank mind here. So uhm...why are you...thanking me...?" Her mind's already busy searching for the possibilities of answers, but well, she can't find any that's good enough after the large sum of pain she had caused.
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Post by Roy on Feb 28, 2009 16:46:10 GMT -8
Roy was smiling at her. Actually his kind smile was just a result of the confusion he had caused in Syani's mind. It was a smiling that came deep down from his heart, not just a facade.
"Well Syani..." he started. "What have you expected from me to say?" With these words his hands were reaching for Syani's hands and he took the wet tissue out of it. Then he started slowly to dry her face, like she did with his earlier.
"I am thankful.... thankful to have met you..." While drying her face he also stroke over her cheek with his fingers. "I can`t deny that its hard to take that you can`t be with me... but at the same time I realized how selfish I was. I never asked myself how you are feeling about it...and that I caused you a lot of pain too."
Still smiling he didn`t break the eye contact between them once. "So I am really thankful, that after all what had happened you still support me as a friend...and that I can still stand close to you as a friend" After he finished these words he also completely dried the tears in Syanis face. Now he was just waiting for her to smile again, as happy as she used to do.
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Post by Zephel on Mar 1, 2009 13:11:58 GMT -8
The half-vampire was relieved Roy suddenly smiled like that, though she didn't know why, she's still glad he started to smile again. Though, Syani didn't expect him to take the tissue from her and reflects back what she did. In short, all she could do is to stare up in his eyes in wonder as he's drying her face.
The raven-haired was chained to the ground, her confusion slowly untangles itself with every word Roy spoke and now questioning herself if Roy have caused her any pain at all like he claimed. But she didn't even finish finding the answer yet when the young man in front of her said the most considerate thing she could ever imagine... Even after she hurt him...even after she made him cry...even after she crushes his hope... He's still thankful to have met her...
Syani's jaw dropped slightly, replaying what he said over and over in her mind. She didn't even noticed that her expression started to brightened to that of an appreciative sparkle in her eyes, before, quite suddenly, attacked Roy with a hug, squealing lightly and almost laughing, "Roy!!! Oh gosh, thank you!! Thank you, thank you, thank you SO MUCH!!!" It took her a while to realize she just did something mushy, so she pulled away from him as quick as she hugged him, embarrassed she just did that.
"Uhm...yeah..." Syani twidled the rose in her hand with a sweatdrop, "Really, I appreciate what you said very VERY much. It meant a lot to me...and I'm..very thankful." Then an idea popped in her head, "Oh!! Tell you what, I'll make a fruitcake for you tomorrow! Baked from the heart, hahah! Would you like that?"
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Post by Roy on Mar 2, 2009 8:22:36 GMT -8
Roy was watching Syani's face which totally expressed confusion at first which slowly transformed into pure joy. Before Roy could do anything Syani already jumped at him and hugged him tightly which made Roy gasping at first since he totally didn`t expect that to happen. But it changed very fast into a cheerful laugh.
The way Syani jumped backwards as fast as she hugged him made Roy grinning too. But watching Syani right into her eyes while she was thanking him again, in a way thats more like her, felt even better.
"A fruitcake?" Roy replied happily "I would love that!" he said laughing.
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Post by Zephel on Mar 4, 2009 9:50:39 GMT -8
"Great!!" Syani clasped her hands in glee, "Fruitcakes are the only thing that came out right out from my oven, so I'm really glad. I'll make it tomorrow after my last class session. Oh, what's your dorm room? I'll drop it off there."
Then she gasped as an idea entered her head, "Ohh!! Or we could hand out tomorrow!! Hey, we can go to the Amusement Park, or we could chill at the Ice Skating Rink, oh! Or skydive from the High Cliff! Hahah, and I'll bring the fruitcake! Ah, I'm excited already, sorry, I didn't even ask for your approval yet. Heheh, sorry." She scratched the back of her neck a bit, a small sweatdrop appeared on your head.
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